The Story You Tell Yourself

 "It isn't what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens." Pema Chödrön

I keep coming back to this quote. Not because it's profound in an abstract way, but because it's uncomfortably true in a practical way.

I kept coming back to this quote last month when I caught myself replaying a difficult conversation over and over, each time making myself the villain in my own story.

What you say to yourself is what directs and creates the movie that plays in your mind.
Think about it. You can direct and play whatever type of movie you want; action, comedy, romance, horror, adventure, thriller. The genre is up to you. The soundtrack. The lens through which you view each scene.

But here's the catch: You don't get to choose how the events in your movie unfold.

You can't control the plot twists. You can't rewrite the difficult scenes or fast-forward through the painful ones. Life delivers the events. You're not the screenwriter.
So if you can't control how the events unfold, how can you control how the movie plays out.
Here's food for thought. The same event can be framed as:

• A tragic ending or the beginning of a comeback story

• A failure or a lesson learned

• Evidence of your inadequacy or proof of your courage to try

The facts are the same. The story you tell yourself about those facts? That's where your power lives.

And if you've been unconsciously directing a horror film or a tragedy about your own life, you have the power to change the lens. I realized I'd been directing an action/drama/disaster movie about my life; every small mistake became evidence if inevitable  failure, every setback the beginning of collapse. The soundtrack in my head had layers of doom and gloom. 

It's about asking yourself:

• What story am I telling myself about this?

• Is this the only way to interpret what happened?

• If my best friend experienced this, what would I tell them?

• What would a compassionate narrator say about this character's journey?

The events stay the same. But the meaning you make, the soundtrack you choose, the way you frame the main character's response; that's yours to shape.

Questions for You

What movie have you been directing in your mind? Is it one you'd want to watch?

When something difficult happens, what's your go-to narrative? Do you cast yourself as the victim, the hero, the fool, the survivor?

For years, I cast myself as the person who always gets it wrong. My go to narrative was the fool who should have known better.

And here's the real question: If you could redirect just one scene from your recent life, what story would you tell about it instead?

Not to erase what happened, but to change how you're letting it define you.
You are the director. The camera is already rolling. What kind of movie are you making?

Finding Balance: Grace over Perfection

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." Thomas Merton

Balance seems like the perfect prescription for our chaotic world. But who hasn't felt pulled in multiple directions; emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? It's a perpetual juggling act between family and work obligations.

We're bombarded with expert advice: eat kale, do yoga, walk, lift weights, go organic, eliminate sugar, get more sleep. And do it all while raising a family and managing a demanding job. It's enough to make you want to cover your ears.

What do you choose? Do you go for a walk instead of doing the dishes? Do you appreciate the fullness of your life instead of focusing on what you lack? Do you love yourself as much as you love others?

The last few months, life came at me full force. Events challenged my sense of self and direction. I found myself snapping at people I love, cancelling plans, lying awake replaying conversations. When any aspect of life draws disproportionate energy, something gets shortchanged. That's when I realized what I was missing:

Grace.

Grace to just "be" and not "do." You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay and absolutely necessary to slow down, kick back, and do something just for you.

Living. balance life is about integrating what's truly important to you and realizing that sometimes you need to make choices about what comes first. For example, last Tuesday, I sat on my porch with a cup of tea, doing absolutely nothing. For the first time in weeks, I could actual breathe. 

The wonderful thing is that we have a choice. The hardest thing is also that we have a choice.

So how do I practice this grace I am learning about? Not through grand gestures, but through small, daily choices. 

I'm learning to make self care a priority and not waiver. My revelation: the distractions and commitments will always be there waiting. When we're clear about what we want and who we want to be, that clarity fuels our motivation.

Whatever we focus on grows.

Simple Daily Practices

• Reflect — Take a few minutes to let your mind unwind
• Move — Get oxygen into your body and brain
• Laugh — Find humor in daily life
• Appreciate — Note what you're grateful for
• Let go — Release grievances, forgive, move forward

A Question for You

What small step can you take that will allow more gentle and unforced rhythms of grace to flow in your life?

I don't want to live on autopilot. I want to consciously pause and reflect on what works, what I want to change, and what I want to continue. Making reflection part of our mindset means we're committed to doing better.

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"In a world of noise, confusion and conflict it is necessary that there be places of silence, inner discipline and peace. In such places love can blossom." — Thomas Merton

Joy & Happiness

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

Life does not have to be complicated. Happiness doesn't have to be difficult, and yet, we frequently make it so. We are responsible for our own happiness. It comes from within, which is great news because it gives us control and makes things possible!

It takes effort and it may not be easy, but you can accomplish it. Happiness is a practice. It’s on us to learn it. While some days are easier to find a smile than others, happiness is a daily choice. It’s a mindset we can nurture and train. 

That does not mean it’s there every second, but when you notice it's missing, often the tiniest shift can put you right back on top of the world. Life is an open-ended horizon. Nothing is impossible.

We often mistake joy in life as something provided to us. We make joy, the world does not make it for us. Every moment, every activity we engage, offers us an opportunity to create the joy we seek. Life changes when we realize we are the gatekeepers of our joy.