Falling and Finding Balance

Have you ever felt the need for balance in your life, but struggled to achieve it?

Does it feel impossible? Do you wonder if balance is even possible?

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

Walking into the yoga studio, I instinctively stretched my mat against the wall, creating a safety net in case of a fall. Near the beginning of class, my instructor offered a metaphor that stuck with me. 

We all have areas of our life that need attention. Start applying that attention here and now. As she guided us halfway into a pose, she concluded, If you require strength, then push yourself harder; or if it is too much, ease up. If you require peace, then take a deep breath.

As if on cue, I toppled over, and the wall didn’t catch me. This stark reminder underscored my need for balance. This lack of balance stretched far beyond my physical abilities; it poured over into my personal and professional life. I had questions to answer, decisions to make, and people to talk to. It seeped into every action I attempted despite being physically grounded; I was still at risk of losing balance.

I recognized that I developed an all-or-nothing mentality, either having a packed calendar or letting everything go and spending long days doing nothing. I was either overconfident or completely unsure of myself. This perpetual imbalance left me apprehensive, unsure of myself. 

I took a step back, evaluated my role in life, and found my center amidst life’s surprises. The best way to strike a balance is to roll with the punches and go with the flow. Life’s unpredictability presents opportunities to meet them with acceptance and grace. 

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

In my journey to inner balance, I made three fundamental changes:

1. Stop being overly busy. I wanted people to perceive me as busy. I spent countless hours engrossed in volunteer organizations, pushed through illnesses until my body forced me to stop, and worked tirelessly from one obligation to the next.

I had a sudden realization that I needed to slow down. I had to start questioning why I was keeping myself so busy. I’m learning to embrace downtime as an opportunity for self-development.

2. Recognize external pressure. I was constantly anxious and had thoughts about things I should have or could have done, unsure of what to expect from myself. There were things I had thought I wanted, but when faced with the opportunity to act, I felt more obligated than interested. It is a constant struggle.

Why is it so difficult to say no? The emotional turmoil I felt while contemplating declining a request used to propel me around town, home, and work for the people I loved in an instant.

I recall a day when I was on the brink of complete overwhelm due to the responsibilities of being a sister, daughter, friend, and employer. Just as I was about to hang up the phone with a potential new opportunity, I felt a surge of energy. I had hastily agreed to a project that I knew was ill-advised.

However, something felt off. “Why did I do this?” I wondered.

Reality hit me when one of my kittens fell to the floor with a thud. I snapped out of it and started laughing; cats are so playful. I’m learning to listen to my intuition and assert control over my actions. Maintaining balance involves continuing in the face of pressure and learning when to let it go.

3. Stop rushing. The more I tried to control it, the more I felt out of alignment. I burned out trying to make things happen. When something went wrong, I blamed myself for not anticipating it. I couldn’t relax because I was always tightening the reins, trying to steer the unknown.

I couldn’t focus, meditate, or even enjoy the ocean, something that once brought me pure joy. Instead of peace, I felt stuck and overwhelmed. My mind replayed every decision I’d made over the past few years like a courtroom drama: “If only you’d done this,” “You should have seen that coming,” “You’ve ruined your shot.”

I remind myself that there’s time to learn. I create deadlines where there isn’t one. For most of my life, I was obsessed with getting everything right. I planned, controlled, and anticipated every outcome to avoid being caught off guard. I saw life as a puzzle: if I made the right moves in the right order, I’d achieve peace, success, and love.

But life doesn’t work that way. That’s when it hit me: nature doesn’t force anything. A wave doesn’t strive to be taller, and a tree doesn’t try to grow faster. They exist in a kind of trust, a natural cooperation with life. And somehow, despite all that ease, they thrive.

What if I’m the one disrupting my own flow by trying to control everything?

I’m still learning. I still fall, literally and metaphorically. Some days I catch myself rushing, accepting every opportunity, wearing busyness like a badge of honor. But more and more, I’m able to pause. To breathe. To trust the flow instead of fighting it.

I’m still learning to move at my own pace. To recognize when pressure is external. To let downtime be restful instead of another task. Some days are easier than others. But now when I fall, in yoga or in life, I don’t blame myself for not having a wall there. I just get back up and find my balance again.

“Within us lies a sanctuary to which we can retreat at any time and be ourselves.”  ~Hermann Hesse

What helps you find your center when life knocks you off balance?

The Story You Tell Yourself

 "It isn't what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens." Pema Chödrön

I keep coming back to this quote. Not because it's profound in an abstract way, but because it's uncomfortably true in a practical way.

I kept coming back to this quote last month when I caught myself replaying a difficult conversation over and over, each time making myself the villain in my own story.

What you say to yourself is what directs and creates the movie that plays in your mind.
Think about it. You can direct and play whatever type of movie you want; action, comedy, romance, horror, adventure, thriller. The genre is up to you. The soundtrack. The lens through which you view each scene.

But here's the catch: You don't get to choose how the events in your movie unfold.

You can't control the plot twists. You can't rewrite the difficult scenes or fast-forward through the painful ones. Life delivers the events. You're not the screenwriter.
So if you can't control how the events unfold, how can you control how the movie plays out.
Here's food for thought. The same event can be framed as:

• A tragic ending or the beginning of a comeback story

• A failure or a lesson learned

• Evidence of your inadequacy or proof of your courage to try

The facts are the same. The story you tell yourself about those facts? That's where your power lives.

And if you've been unconsciously directing a horror film or a tragedy about your own life, you have the power to change the lens. I realized I'd been directing an action/drama/disaster movie about my life; every small mistake became evidence if inevitable  failure, every setback the beginning of collapse. The soundtrack in my head had layers of doom and gloom. 

It's about asking yourself:

• What story am I telling myself about this?

• Is this the only way to interpret what happened?

• If my best friend experienced this, what would I tell them?

• What would a compassionate narrator say about this character's journey?

The events stay the same. But the meaning you make, the soundtrack you choose, the way you frame the main character's response; that's yours to shape. 

 

Photo by Tom Shakir on Unsplash

Questions for You

What movie have you been directing in your mind? Is it one you'd want to watch?

When something difficult happens, what's your go-to narrative? Do you cast yourself as the victim, the hero, the fool, the survivor?

For years, I cast myself as the person who always gets it wrong. My go to narrative was the fool who should have known better.

And here's the real question: If you could redirect just one scene from your recent life, what story would you tell about it instead?

Not to erase what happened, but to change how you're letting it define you.
You are the director. The camera is already rolling. What kind of movie are you making?

Finding Balance: Grace over Perfection

Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, and order, and rhythm, and harmony." Thomas Merton

Balance seems like the perfect prescription for our chaotic world. But who hasn't felt pulled in multiple directions; emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? It's a perpetual juggling act between family and work obligations.

We're bombarded with expert advice: eat kale, do yoga, walk, lift weights, go organic, eliminate sugar, get more sleep. And do it all while raising a family and managing a demanding job. It's enough to make you want to cover your ears.

What do you choose? Do you go for a walk instead of doing the dishes? Do you appreciate the fullness of your life instead of focusing on what you lack? Do you love yourself as much as you love others?

The last few months, life came at me full force. Events challenged my sense of self and direction. I found myself snapping at people I love, cancelling plans, lying awake replaying conversations. When any aspect of life draws disproportionate energy, something gets shortchanged. That's when I realized what was missing:

Grace.

Grace to just "be" and not "do." You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay and absolutely necessary to slow down, kick back, and do something just for you.

Living a balanced life is about integrating what's truly important to you and realizing that sometimes you need to make choices about what comes first. For example, last Tuesday, I sat on my porch with a cup of tea, doing absolutely nothing. For the first time in weeks, I could actually breathe. 

The wonderful thing is that we have a choice. The hardest thing is also that we have a choice.

So how do I practice this grace I am learning about? Not through grand gestures, but through small, daily choices. 

I'm learning to make self care a priority and not waiver. My revelation: the distractions and commitments will always be there waiting. When we're clear about what we want and who we want to be, that clarity fuels our motivation.

Whatever we focus on grows.

Simple Daily Practices

• Reflect — Take a few minutes to let your mind unwind
• Move — Get oxygen into your body and brain.
• Laugh — Find humor in daily life.
• Appreciate — Note what you're grateful for.
• Let go — Release grievances, forgive, and move forward.

A Question for You

What small step can you take that will allow more gentle and unforced rhythms of grace to flow in your life?

I don't want to live on autopilot. I want to consciously pause and reflect on what works, what I want to change, and what I want to continue. Making reflection part of our mindset means we're committed to doing better.

---

"In a world of noise, confusion, and conflict, it is necessary that there be places of silence, inner discipline, and peace. In such places, love can blossom." — Thomas Merton